Saturday, December 14 -- One Small Flight to Beijing, One Giant Leap for Maylia

It had been a full and busy week -- it was hard to believe all that had transpired in just a few days. But our time in Guangzhou had come to an end and we were off to Beijing to finish the final leg of our adoption journey.  We had packed the night before so we could be up early to check out and get Maylia fed before our flight. Becky and Mr. Li picked us up at 7:45 so we could head to the airport and catch our 10:30 flight to Beijing. Todd was as cool as ever but I was very worried over how Maylia would do on her first plane ride. She had done so well on so many firsts I should have had more faith but, because I worry when there is nothing to worry about, I focused all my nervous energy onto that. The day was rainy and cool, the coldest it had been since we had arrived in Guangzhou. Becky scolded us for being underdressed for the weather while we reminded her that this often passed for a summer’s day for us. In one more ride with Mr Li’s daredevil driving we arrived quickly at the airport ,said goodbye, took a couple of photos and Becky walked us inside. 

She took us to the counter, got us checked in and saw us through security. She waited until we were through, waved and she was gone. What an extraordinary girl. I can’t imagine what the week would have been without her. We walked to our gate and tried to feed Maylia a little more until we boarded and then, it was time. Time to leave, as well as time for her nap.

We found our seats in the middle section and worried when we noticed that the configuration was 4 seats in the middle instead of 3. Thankfully we happened to be seated beside a Canadian from Vancouver who was visiting his girlfriend in Guangzhou. A polite , patient, kind Canadian : that was a good omen for the start of our flight. Maylia wouldn’t leave my lap  so we hoped that the flight attendant would think she was less than 2  and let her stay. After a bit of convincing they brought us a seatbelt that would attach to mine so she could stay on my lap -- though stay was a relative term. I could see her scratch the side for head  -- her first indicator that she’s tired and turned to Todd and said  “ T minus 10 -- that’s 10 minutes until a Tantrum begins. 

I was off by 9 minutes.  Just as we began to taxi on the runway Maylia wanted to move -- off my lap, out of the chair, she was just done being there, in that place, stuck in that space -- she wanted out. Her freedom curtailed, she railed against her little life of oppression the only way she knew how -- the scream. And scream she did. 

Now, I’m not a person who is generally bothered when a child screams or cries. In fact, much experience in the matter has helped me to develop and unusually calm and confident demeanor when my kids tantrum in public. I have learned to focus on the behavior and take a teaching moment and not be bothered by what others might think or feel as they observe me. I am a parent and have a job to do. They should do their job and if they can’t be patient or helpful, at least mind their own business. I claimed neither calm nor confidence though in that moment. For some reason even though this was our deal and our daughter, I felt that the fact that she was chinese...and most of them were too -- that they would think, I don’ t know,  that we were stealing her, didn’t deserve her,  shouldn’t have her or didn’t know how to treat or care for her. Even though she was ours I still had this feeling that they had some sort of cultural claim on her and I was so self-conscious about parenting in front of them. So I did the only thing I could do at that moment. Held on tight and prayed hard. I held her in my arms while Todd quietly and calmly reassured me as well as her and prayed in my mind that we could help to calm this little girl...oh, and if some angel could sing a magic lullaby and lull her to sleep that would be great too. The Lord’d mercies are many and I have been privy to far more than I have ever deserved in this lifetime but I am so grateful that he both heard and answered both of our cries. Within just a few minutes her stiffened screaming body began to relax, she began to scratch her head, yawn and rub her eyes and, in a matter of minutes, she fell sound asleep in my arms. She slept for about an hour while I held and rocked her in my arms and when she woke up she seemed happy and content and stayed that way until we landed.  She was wiggly and wanted to stand and move around but she stayed in, or standing on my lap and didn’t really cry again. More than a tender mercy. That was just a miracle. 

We waited until most people had disembarked before we exited ourselves, grateful that this,  her very first flight, had gone so well -- but already starting to feel a little nervous for the 13 hour flight home that would come in less than a  weeks time. 

After collecting our bags we found Joan once again who led us out to our driver.  Despite the smog that had engulfed Beijing at the beginning of our trip, blue skies were above us and we were grateful for a second good omen. We returned to the Crowne Plaza and checked in to a smaller suite than we had enjoyed at the Holiday Inn but it was lovely room nonetheless and we hoped Maylia would adjust quickly to her third home within a week. 

Friday, December 13 -- Last Day in Guangzhou

Our last day in the city was a cultural tour and finishing up some official documents. Becky and Mr. Li were taking us to the Chen Clan Academy, an ancient Academic temple that was now the Guangdong Folk Art Museum. We have to say, we loved having Mr. Li drive us places. As was mentioned before, driving in China is not for the faint of heart. No rules -- for anyone -- meant that drivers had to be both defensive as well as offensive on the road in order to get anywhere. Mr. Li was not an angry driver -- no one seemed to be here -- but he was definitely aggressive. As Todd put it ‘Mr. Li won’t cede an inch to another vehicle, but if they offer a half inch - he’ll take it...and sometimes more. It was always an automobilic adventure with Mr. Li.

We arrived there safely and swiftly and Becky purchased our tickets while Mr. Li went to have his cigarette with the other drivers parked on the road. 

As we walked around to the temple entrance Becky pointed out a number of facades carved on the temple’s exterior walls. Some had been carved from plaster, others from wood or stone. All were intricately done with a number of detailed figures that, we learned later were pictorials or characters from Cantonese dramas. 

The academy had been built by the clans of the Chen family ( or romanized Chan). 

From the wonderful world of Wikipedia: “In the late Qing Dynasty, Chen Ruinan and Chen Zhaonan, Chinese-Americans who returned to Guangzhou, proposed the idea to raise money from all the Chen clans to build a temple for the worship of their ancestors and a place for their clansman to study for the examination.[1] Therefore, the Chen Clan Academy was finished in 1894 with the money donated by Chen families in 72 counties of Guangdong Province as well as some overseas family members. When the imperial examination system was abolished in 1905, the Chen Clan Academy was changed into the practical school of the Chens. Later in 1957, the Guangzhou City People's Committee approved the Chen Clan's Academy as a Guangzhou City preserve. Then in 1959 the government introduced a folk arts and crafts gallery into the temple. 

The site was really quite extraordinary, with beautiful courtyards and rooms of various artistic themes: ivory carving, embroidery and pottery to name a few. Todd and I had to take turns looking at the rooms as Maylia always seemed quite upset every time we went into a room or building. We had noticed that earlier in the week, both at the shops as well as the orphanage. She loved being out and walking around but once we were inside she became agitated and upset. It even happened a couple of times at the hotel where Todd would take her out for walk down the hall just to settle her down. But she would always get upset when he’d come back. We knew there was something that bothered her , but we weren’t sure what so in the meantime we tried to keep her happy and distracted. 

After the tour, some photos and some gift shop purchases we were all ready to head home but we had one more stop at the Notary’s office -- signing and sealing a few more official documents that we would need to take her from Guangzhou and eventually from China. 

It was fairly uneventful at the office , signing, sealing and more signing, until Becky noticed a discrepancy in Maylia’s identification number between the Chinese figure and its English translation. She sent us back to our hotel and promised to take care of everything. She had proven herself more than capable over the week so we weren’t too concerned. We finished the day with some packing and purchasing a new suitcase for Maylia. We now had diapers and formula to haul along with a toddler and all her accoutrements. Perhaps we could purchase a sherpa somewhere too. 

Thursday Dec 12 -- Finding Her Founding Place

As we drove away from the orphanage Becky asked if we’d like to see her ‘founding place’ ? ”Of course!” we both replied. We had never expected to be able to see it. We knew that she had been brought to the welfare Institute by a policman but that is all we really knew. 

Our driver Mr. Li pulled in front of what looked like a hospital. There were a large number of people, in fact, mostly women and children coming from the building or sitting in places on the hospital grounds. “ This is it” Becky pointed “This is where she was found”. Though Becky didn’t know the exact spot she had been found, she knew it was somewhere on the grounds. We walked into the gate and into the front manicured courtyard. A number of people sat on concrete benches surrounding  a fountain. In the fountain was a statue carved from a large white stone. It was the image of a woman looking at a child she was holding with arms outstretched.” Do you know what the name of this fountain is?” Asked Becky. “Love”, she said,” It’s called Love”.

“ Love. Of course it is. Of course that’s what happened” I thought to myself, confirming what I had believed all along. Maylia had not been abandoned or forsaken. She had not been forsaken or cast aside. Maylia was left here with love, by someone who loved her very much and put her in a place where she knew she would be found and cared for.    She hadn’t been left by a roadside or in a marketplace nor had she been given up at birth. Our Doctor had told us that it was unusual for her to have been given up at a few months old rather than the first few days of her infancy. Todd and I had always believed that this was a mother who had likely learned of the health problems of her child and felt they were beyond her capacity to care for. The area of Foshan and Guangzhou was an industrial area and commercial centre whose factories employed a great number of migrant workers. Her mother could have been among them, here with few friends or family , scraping by in a simple impoverished existence. At 4 months  you have nursed and nurtured a child. You have seen her first smile and heard her first sounds. You have dressed her and cared for her, kept her warm and likely slept near her night after night. I can’t believe that this was only an act of desperation. For Maylia’s sake I have to believe -- and tell her to believe -- that this was an act of love. 

Thursday, December 12 -- Visiting Her Orphanage

We waited until the last minute to confirm if we were all going to her orphanage. Even though I desperately wanted to see it, we didn’t want to take Maylia unless we felt she had bonded with us sufficiently. Even at her age it would not be an easy visit and so we thought that if things had been difficult for her that I would stay back with Maylia and Todd would go to the orphanage on his own. 

I was grateful for many reasons that Maylia had been doing so well, well enough we both felt, that we could visit the orphanage all together. It was a quick trip to Foshan, a city adjacent to and not far from Guangzhou where Maylia’s orphanage was located. Foshan had considerably less people than Guangzhou, approximately 3 million -- but by the time you get past a couple of million -- all these cities seemed enormous and sprawling to us. 

For whatever reason when I had imagined her orphanage I had always pictured it in a rural setting -- perhaps I’d seen a movie with that image at sometime. I pictured a small double floored building with many happy children, young and old, with space and a place to play, busy and bustling with little ones. Nothing ever quite lives up to my romantic imaginings, and this didn’t either. 

We pulled over to the side of a busy street full of a number of highrise buildings. 

“We’re here”, Becky said

“ Where?” I thought to myself, all I saw were a few apartment high rises surrounding a concrete courtyard. We left the van and a guard opened a large iron gate. As we walked up the sidewalk we were greeted by an older woman whom we learned served as a sort of manager to the orphanage. As she led us into the building I noticed an older man and an older woman sitting in wheelchairs near the entrance. Another older woman sat on a porch swing in the distance, the only piece of equipment on the entire concrete courtyard. We went up the elevator and as the door opened my heart just ached inside. The doors opened onto, what looked very much like a hospital wing. 

Though pastel colours and cartoon like characters were painted on the wall, it felt very cold and sterile. There was linoleum everywhere, not a shred of rug or carpet to be found. It made sense especially if you were dealing with the toileting issues of a number of children and wanted to keep everything as easily clean as possible. We walked down a long narrow hallway with open rooms on wither side. Some of the rooms were empty, many of them had stainless steel beds and cribs. All the cribs were close together in a grid like fashion , 4 across and 4 down. Some had babies in them , bundled in about 7 layers of clothing apiece. I wondered how often those babies even move let alone get out of their cribs. 

Others beds had older children in them. I noticed one boy who was tethered with a cloth to one of the bars of the crib.  As some of the children came out to see us it was evident that many, if not most of them, had much more severe needs, both physically and cognitively. As we looked into the rooms there was not a toy to be found - but perhaps they had all been put away for later as we had arrived at their lunchtime.

We were greeted immediately by a number of women who served as nannies at the facility. Some of them were carrying stainless steel bowls full of a mush, what I expected was rice congee with raisins. They smiled warmly and opened their arms to us and called out to Maylia. “Yung Ya” they all said excitedly, “Yung Ya” -- Maylia looked at all of them quietly. Some of the older children came out of the rooms. They too called her by her nickname -- clearly they not only remembered her but knew her well, even though they were much older than her. One of the nannies came over to  Maylia, called her by name. She held a spoonful of mush towards Maylia who opened her mouth as if on cue. The nanny then reached out to her as she spoke in cantonese and Maylia leaned over to her and into her arms. The nanny hugged and bounced her and continued speaking to her. 

I can’t say wasn’t relieved when, as the nanny turned so Maylia could see me, Maylia reached and came right back into my arms. The nannies spoke to Becky who would gesture to us and smile. I desperately wanted to make a good impression and hoped they would think Maylia had gone with good people. As the children came over to us we bent down to greet them. Maylia had been holding her container of goldfish. We took off the lid and as the children gathered round Maylia handed out goldfish one by one. It was the sweetest thing.

 Surprisingly Maylia wanted to walk  and as I took her hand to walk down the hall an older girl slipped her hand into mine. What I would have given to take them all home. We walked past a room where a nanny had knelt down on the floor and was feeding several eager faces from her bowl. 

Still holding two little hands we walked to the end of the hall and back until Becky called us into the other room for a photograph. They wanted to take a picture of us all in front of the items we had donated. 

They felt so insignificant compared to what they were surely in need of. Todd asked Becky which of the nannies had primarily cared for Maylia. There were two of them  there and they seemed genuinely surprised and pleased when Todd gave them their pearls. 

I asked Becky to tell them how grateful we were to them for taking such good care of her. The credit to Maylia’s natural adjustment to us goes not only to the nature of her fiery little personality but surely to the nurturing that these warm wonderful women provided. There are far more children and far more needs that really could ever be met, what a blessing that Maylia was so well cared for.

After several minutes Maylia began to get upset. She began to cry and the scream. I can only imagine how confusing it must all have been for her. She seemed to want to go to the end of a hallway where there was a window that looked out onto the courtyard. As soon as we got to the window she pulled back and screamed again, the nannies came up and tried to tell me what she wanted. I didn’t have the heart to say, “ I think she wants to go”. After a few minutes we said goodbye to everyone and made our way into the hall and down the elevator. As we left the building we met the director, Mr. (?), probably one of the few men Maylia had had any interaction with in her life other than the policeman who had found her and the doctor who had first seen her. 

We stood at the entrance and took another photo as the large iron gate closed behind us. As we looked back through the gate Becky mentioned that this was not just the orphanage but the Foshan City Social Welfare Institute, meaning that it housed not just children, but adults with special needs as well as seniors in need of greater care than presumably their families could provide. 

On one of the few English t.v. channels in the hotels, I had watched a program featuring a man who had begun a charity called Wine to Water. Though I began watching the show too late to see how the charity had begun, his goal was to provide wells and clean drinking water to 1 million people worldwide. He was now in nearly 16 countries and nearing his goal. He was a young man, likely in his thirties with a young, beautiful family at home while he traveled to Africa and South America to build wells and provide clean drinking water to families and communities in need. I admit that for a moment I wished for his life -- or at least his ability to impact the lives of nearly a million people for good. We had taken 1 child, from 1 orphanage in a city of millions of people and many more orphanages. It seemed like a small drop in an extremely large ocean of need. But if impacting the one is as important as the 1 million, perhaps in this one little life we could make a difference.