Happy Home-iversary

One Year.

She's been with us for an entire year.

It's incredibly hard to believe that a year ago today we brought Maylia home .

Funny enough, as hard as it is to process that she's been with us a year...it's almost harder for me to comprehend what life was like B.M. -- before Maylia. It feels like she's always been part of our family.

It's been an incredible year with her, though sadly not as well documented as I would have liked. Thankfully there has been no shortage of photos, but also no shortage of fun, laughter, love and memories that sum up the past 365 days. I took a short video during our little 'Home-iversary'celebration and had everyone say why they were grateful to have Maylia in our family. Grayson said because she is so hilarious and cute, Sophia said Maylia was her best friend, Steele said there was no shortage of entertainment, and Todd and I both said that she was everything --and we mean everything-- we had hoped for.

But I suppose more important that considering how much our lives have changed over the past year because of her, how much our family has learned and grown, it is more significant to consider how much she has changed, learned and grown over the past year.

The physical changes are the most obvious, she's heavier, taller , and has longer hair. That spark of personality that was so evident even in the first few days of meeting her has grown into a mischievous and fiery fun personality. Developmentally she progressed so much, her language, her gross and fine motor control, her independence and physical ability, though she still has a ways to go.

It's funny, a few weeks ago I was expressing some worry about her language development, remember ing that her doctor at the International Adoption clinic had said that once a child has been with you for a year that they should be at developmental level. She does not have the language ability that many of her peers do and I had started to worry about that. After expressing that concern to my grandmother, she remarked that I shouldn't focus on what she had't learned yet, but instead on what she had.
Over the course of the day I began to do that and, as my perspective changed, so did my appreciation of her growth, as measured by what is truly important.

She has learned her name and looks at you when you call her.
She can recognize herself in photographs and says "me!" when she see's her picture or reflection.

She has learned that she is a sister, a daughter, a granddaughter, a cousin and a niece.
She is learning how to share and that she has friends and teachers.

She has learned to pray.
She has learned to show reverence and at times, to sit still.

She is learning to say please and sometimes, even to wait.
She has learned to be strong and independent and to ask for what she wants.
She is learning to accept no for an answer and to accept and make a different choice.

She has learned to trust -- that she if she is hurt she will be hugged, if she falls she will be picked up and that if she jumps she will be caught.

Above all, she has learned that she is part of a family, that she belongs to us and that we belong to her and nothing,
nothing,
nothing in this world will ever change that.


Happy Homecoming Maylia. We can't imagine life without you.

Where have 6 months gone?

It's hard to believe it has been 6 months since I've posted. I'm not known for doing much consistently in my life -- except procrastinating perhaps. So much has happened and Maylia has grown so much as a simple visual will tell you. In the past 6 months we've gone from



pixie short

 


to single ponytail

to double

 to a chic shaggy sumo style

Maylia continues to surprise and delight us and not a day goes by that we don't feel abundantly blessed to have her.

A-Maylia Pond

Over the past several weeks Maylia has seen more than her fair share of Doctors and medical professionals. From the international adoption clinic, to the medicentre for blood tests, Stollery Cardiology, Stollery Emergency, Bonnie Doon Health Center for immunizations - 5 of them - and back again to the International Adoption Clinic. It is not surprising then, that when she sees a nurse , a doctor or anyone wearing scrubs or a white lab coat she is more than a bit suspect.

But there is one Doctor Maylia has no trouble with.

Which Doctor you say? Doctor who -- you may ask? And therein lies the answer. Doctor Who.

Since Christmas our entire family has been more than a little obsessed with the BBC Doctor WHo series. We'd all noticed it on Netflix and had been hearing about it on the news, a revival that began as the series approached its 50th anniversary. We had talked about trying it out and finally over Christmas, as we cocooned ourselves in our home over Maylia bonding, we gave it a try one night. And then the next night. And then the next night and the next and the next and the next and here we are, in March nearly concluding series 6.

The fun thing about the series is that it's one that our whole family has loved, from oldest to youngest. Too often family movie night is rife with disagreement where the show that is loved by the boys is loathed by the girls and vice versa. But there has been something rather magical about Doctor Who. Quirky, Sci Fi, silly, and sometimes completely ridiculous, but so fun and funny and delightfully, refreshingly clean content. There's certainly not a lot nowadays you can say that about.

Maylia has her very own love for the Doctor. Every night as we begin an episode Maylia stands centre stage to dance to the opening credits. She spins, smiles and waves her arms - we call it the Dalek Dance. When the song concludes, she climbs up onto the couch beside us with her book or iPad or snacks and settles in pretty well for the duration of the episode. As the closing credits roll she's up on her feet again, spinning and waving and shakin' what her momma gave her.

Additionally as part of our nightly routine we kneel for family prayer at the couch. Maylia's got that all figured out too and has taken on a CPI or Chief Prayer Inspector role. At our 'call to prayer' she kneels beside the couch and puts both hands to her eyes. She's usually the first one and as everyone else slowly kneels around she peeks out from behind her hands to call out anyone -- usually Grayson -- whose eyes are still open. She'll wave her hand at them " Gaow, gaow" -- her word and action for " get your eyes closed you heathen", and then continues to monitor us all until the "amen".

Then it's " Ni-night" and kisses for everyone and up to bed.

We couldn't ask for a better prescription for a family tradition.

There and Back Again

Little did we realize that just a couple of weeks later we'd have to return our little Hobbit back to the Stollery...but this time to emergency. Over the course of the day, she had started to show signs and symptoms of coming down with a cold or flu. Though she had received the first part of the flu immunization, she wasn't scheduled to receive the second part until the following week. Because everyone else had been immunized, I hoped that the cold would be contained and short lived. Turned out my hope was the only thing that was short lived.

It didn't take long for her cough to get worse and her breathing more laboured. By evening she was wheezing at every breath and was nearly at a whistle. I was going to take her to the bathroom and run the hot water to help steam out the congestion, when Todd made an inspired suggestion to call the HealthLink. The nurse asked a couple of questions about her breathing ( i.e. finger nails turning blue - no- , skin either around her ribs or between her shoulder and neck sinking in with each breath - yes- )

The nurse then asked if she could listen to Maylia through the phone. I put the receiver next to Maylia's mouth for a few moments and then back to my ear.

" You need to take her right in to emergency", the nurse said.

We didn't waste a minute, quickly dressed and readied a bag, reassured our kids and gave them instructions to put themselves to bed. Todd followed me to the hospital just in case one of us needed to stay with her over night.
As we registered through the triage station we mentioned to the attendant there that the nurse had listened other on the phone and told us to come in. He said , "normally I laugh when they say they can hear how bad it is over the phone, but I can sure hear her. It's incredibly tight," is the way he described it. By this point Maylia, though tired, had enough energy left make it pretty clear that she wasn't happy about being checked over by a nurse or doctor . Those darn white coats again!!
Thankfully he didn't have to do much before we were told to wait until our name was called. We walked past several people and found a couple of chairs, sat down...and then they called our name.

Todd hadn't even sat down at this point.
I dared not look anybody in the waiting room in the eye, knowing exactly what they were thinking -- " How did they get ahead of us??"

"It must be bad," I sort of half-joked to Todd as we followed the nurse to a room. The nurse gave her a quick check-up -- much to Maylia's annoyance -- and then we sat for several minutes waiting for the Doctor.
She finally arrived, only to make Maylia mad again. I thought how much I really needed to get a toy doctor's kit for her to play with as the stethoscope seemed to elicit an immediate panicked reaction from her. As the Doctor listened to her breathing she determined that Maylia was having an asthmatic-like reaction to the virus she had. She couldn't be sure if she was asthmatic -- only time would tell -- but they would treat her symptoms as if it were an asthma attack. She also said that it wasn't uncommon for internationally adopted children -- particularly those from asian countries to show asthma-like symptoms when they come to Canada. 'Perhaps their lungs couldn't handle all that clean air! ', I thought to myself.
She asked a little more about her health history and we told her as much as we knew at that point-- what Maylia had been diagnosed with and what we had learned so far: No heart condition but still unsure about the Thallessemia. The doctor said she would see if the blood results had been posted and that the nurse would return shortly with the medicine.

A few minutes later the nurse came back, this time with an inhaler and a small handheld ventilator in order to help administer the medicine. She would need to have two types of medicine and take about 5 breaths per dose . I was sure glad Todd was with me as I knew it would take at least two of us to give her the medicine. I was wrong. It took three of us.

Maylia screamed and struggled as we pinned her down and the nurse calmly pointed out the positive side of Maylia's loud sobs -- deeper breaths yielding more intake of the medicine.

About every 45 minutes for the next 2 and a half hours we did the same MMA routine, us using our best wrestling moves to keep her pinned, Maylia using all her strength to resist. In between doses she was quite content -- even happy -- and definitely more energetic than either of us felt. On the second dose the nurse mentioned to us that the medicine would have a stimulating effect and we saw immediate results. Todd and I were starting to tire out but she was happy, playful and her mischievous self. It was good to see Miss Maylia return to normal.

The doctor told us that Maylia would have to test nearly perfect to be released. Just after midnight she came in one last time and checked her over. Hardly a trace of the congestion. It seemed even her flu symptoms had nearly disappeared.


We thanked the nurses and the Doctor and even Maylia had a wave and a "Bye -bye" for them. No hard feelings. The Doctor waved goodbye and then said, " oh, by the way " her blood tests came back. She's negative for the Thallessemia and and they screened her for one other thing. She's negative for that too."

As we walked out of emergency - once again passed worried waiting parents as they sat with their sick or injured children -- we just shook our head again, amazed and grateful at " the multitude of tender mercies" we had been shown.

Two of Hearts : Maylia's Miracle Pt. 2

She'd had a pretty restless night so I didn't have the heart ( or the energy) to wake her up before 6 to try and feed her . I let her sleep as long as possible and when she woke, tried to get her to drink some apple juice. I gave her her last sip at 9:02... then kept my fingers crossed. We would leave at 10:00 which would give us plenty of time to arrive and park for our 11 a.m.appointment -- driving and walking which would hopefully distract her from her hunger. Wouldn't you know that  a half an hour before we were to leave she hurt her hand and I was reminded then how often I use food or drink to comfort or distract her . I couldn't give her anything and kind words and cuddling seemed to be a poor substitute at this point. Aside from the legitimate pain in her hand were the hunger pangs -- all conspiring to make her as miserable as possible before we would arrive.

But arrive we did and though she seemed a little nervous when we checked in and entered the waiting area , there were plenty of people and objects to quiet and distract her . Unfortunately it wasn't long before her irritability caught up with her and I tried desperately to keep her occupied while silently praying that they would call our name.

                                                  ( a sad selfie while in the waiting room)

Finally it was our turn and they took us into the same room to do her measurements again -- why, I couldn't understand. Surely she couldn't have changed that much in two days. After trying unsuccessfully to get her to stand on the scale, it was finally decided to have me go on the scale while holding her, put her down, then stand on the scale alone and subtract the difference.

I   had to get weighed?? Now it was my turn to be irritable.

They gave up on measuring her and took us into another room where a nurse -- a lovely , kind nurse -- spoke first to Maylia and then to me . She tried to hook her up to a machine that would record her vitals before - and during - the administered sedative. It was a battle - two adults vs. one toddler, but eventually we prevailed and Maylia's toes were taped and connected to the machine. Once there was a good reading, I held her tight so the nurse could administer the sedative. It was oral , like a medicine, called Chloral Hydrate and, according to the nurse, would taste terrible. " To be fair I always taste the things I have to give my patients" , she said.

So here was poor Maylia: hungry, angry, and likely feeling more than a bit betrayed by me. She cried and screamed as I held her in my lap, wrapping myself around her little legs and arms so the nurse could squirt 3 syringes full of nasty tasting sedative into her mouth.  Some mother I had turned out to be!

Maylia was a champ -- swallowed then screamed and clung to me close as I held and rocked her. "It will take about 15 minutes for her to fall asleep," the nurse said. Hopefully Maylia could forgive me before then.

The nurse dimmed the lights  and in just over five minutes we could both hear the sounds of rhythmic breathing and even snoring. She had exhausted herself and was getting some well earned rest.

The nurse pushed the machine and we were led into a room where we lay Maylia on a hospital bed where she would first receive an ultrasound of her chest. They brought in warmed blankets to tuck around her and then the technician came in and began scanning her. She would need to take over a hundred images of her heart and it would take about 40 minutes. We were all glad she was sedated.

They dimmed the lights and I sat quietly watching our little girl while the technician began to work and our nurse continues to monitor her. I watched images of her little heart flash on the screen. Though routine for the technician and the nurse, for myself I found it was both humbling and incredible to watch -- a quiet holy moment , awestruck by the wonder of the human body. I couldn't help but think back to the first time I heard Steele's heartbeat in an ultrasound, then Grayson's, then Sophia. How grateful I was, in that unique moment, to now experience Maylia's heart as well. To see it beat, to hear that extraordinary rhythm that sustained her precious little life.

After her hundred photos, the technician moved her equipment and then another woman came in to do an ECG. I desperately wanted to ask them if they had noticed anything but knew that they weren't allowed too. I prayed, and kept my fingers crossed for good measure.

The Electrocardiogram was finished quite quickly and when she was finished I picked Maylia up into my arms and accompanied the nurse into a room where the doctor would meet us and go over the test results. Maylia continued to sleep and the nurse continued to monitor her for the next several minutes. Slowly, and rather groggily, Maylia began to wake up. She was incredibly dozy - almost dizzy-like -- an effect of the Chloral hydrate that would take several hours to wear off. " Keep an eye other when she gets home," the nurse encouraged, " it will be a while before she can stand or walk steadily. "

Maylia stayed in my arms, head on my shoulder, her arms tucked into her chest. I hoped that meant that she'd forgiven me for restraining and sedating her. After several more minutes the doctor came in, a Dr. Khoo, who looked Asian but sounded like he originated from Australia or possibly even South Africa.
He, like the rest of the staff was incredibly kind and helpful. He asked a few questions and then I gave him the health records -- both Chinese and the translated versions -- for him to review. At one point he was talking out loud , though almost, to himself. He seemed almost incredulous as he read certain sections. I sat waiting, and hoping.

I was just going to ask what he thought when he turned to me and said the words we had hoped to hear, " Well, I don't think I'll ever need to see Maylia again."
I tried not to smile too wide and to scream inside. He went through the reports a little more thoroughly but said essentially, the hole must have healed on it's own, "there is no indication of any problem and everything looks normal". I shook his hand -- restrained a hug -- and that was it.

I couldn't believe it. I mean we were told this might be the case when she was seen at the international clinic but still, to hear it here and to know for certain. It was an indescribable feeling of relief . We gathered up our bags, said goodbye and profusely thanked the extraordinary staff. I took one last look at the waiting room, full of families. Some of them looked almost relaxed -- like this was one of many visits they had already made, whereas others looked worried and anxious and held their children close in their arms. I walked past them and out in to the hallway and said a silent thankful prayer again.

Two of Hearts: Maylia's Miracle Pt 1

"It's probably my white coat," she laughed. For whatever reason, Maylia had become anxious and clingy. She had been doing so well around new people , I was surprised to see her so nervous. " I bet it's my white coat," she insisted. And I finally decided she was right. The past few weeks for Maylia had included a number of Doctor and clinic appointments. She had been poked and prodded, weighed, measured, checked and re-checked again. So when we met a friend of mine at the hospital where she worked, as we were on our way to our first cardiologist appointment, I finally had to agree, that her white lab coat was what set her off. Not a great omen.

We had been so fortunate to get into see the cardiologist as soon as we had. After Dr. Baxter had seen Maylia at the international adoption clinic, she sent in a referral to the Stollery Pediatric Cardiology. But she had also told us, that with Maylia doing so well that it would probably be at least 6 months before we got in. So, needless to say, we were surprised when they called to book an appointment just a few weeks later.

After visiting with Christy, she walked us through the maze of elevators and corridors to the Stollery Cardiology Unit.

We checked in and sat in the waiting room and I was amazed at how busy it was. It struck me how many families -- how many children -- struggle with health challenges. There were infants, toddlers, children and teens, all waiting with their concerned parents to be seen. I felt so lucky that Maylia's health had been so good to this point. Now we were just waiting to confirm if we would continue to be so lucky.

We were called in to the first room where they would take her measurements. Maylia seemed to know exactly what was going on and began whimpering -- then crying -- then outright screaming. We couldn't get her to stand on the scale and it took two of us to hold her on the counter so they could measure her height. After struggling for several minutes with her they took us to the hallway where they would tape a monitor to her toe to check her blood pressure. Cue more wriggling, crying and screaming. After kicking it off for the third time, the patient, but clearly concerned attendant said , " I don't know if we will be able to do this today ."

After discussing it with her we decided that , despite my willingness to hold her down, the only way to get accurate readings would be to sedate her -- and that would mean coming back on another day. Though I wasn't keen on having to come back again, the most important thing was to do this right so I went back out to reception where they could re-schedule us. Fortunately , they could book us in for that Friday, so two days later we were back again.

This time was a little more challenging. Not only would Maylia know exactly what was going to happen when we entered the hospital, this time, due to the sedative they would give her, she had to come fasting. No solid food after 6 a.m. and no liquids of any kind after 9 a.m.

This was going to be a treat.

Kung Hei Fat Choy!

It is only fitting that mere weeks after making -- and then breaking --  my first New Years' resolutions, I get an opportunity to try again. Let's hear it for Chinese New Year, or, as it is better known, the Lunar Festival or the Spring Festival. But, with Snowy clouds covering our Edmonton moon, and frigid temperatures smothering anything spring, Chinese New Year it will  be.

We had been looking forward to beginning this new tradition, a way to keep our family connected to Maylia's culture, and a way to keep Maylia connected to an important part of her identity and history. I wanted to celebrate it in a simple but meaningful way and read what I could about it. After reading on line and speaking with friends who also celebrate it, I concluded that Chinese New Year was really about 3 things : Food, Family & Fun.
And so with that code of cultural conduct in mind we set out to do just that. Because we hadn't had a Shipley get together in a while we invited Todd's parents and siblings to join us on Saturday( those siblings who lived close enough to come). WalMart supplied the decorations, and Costco most of the food. We totalled 23, thanks to Ryah who had been born earlier that week. All the kids had a great time together -- though you wouldn't know it because as the hostess, I forgot to delegate photography duties.    We ate, drank and made merry, and had about as many appetizers as we had people. We definitely put the 'Fat' in Kung Hei Fat Choy!
Just like I've tried to do at Christmas, every year we'll try to add a little more to the celebrations -- (maybe a MahJong tournament?! )And because of where we are fortunate to live, that should be easily done.
What a blessing to live in a country, a city -- and more especially,  a family and church community where Maylia won't ever be far from that important part of her. Edmonton is one of many cities in Canada with a thriving Chinese culture. Even the Muttart conservatory's show pyramid is dedicated to The Year of the Horse. Edmonton Public Schools has received international acclaim for their Chinese Language Programs, with instruction at the elementary, Jr. High and High School levels -- one of which conveniently located across the street from us. Edmonton's Confucius Institute, a non-profit organization dedicated to promoting Chinese culture and language has also been recognized for the second time in 3 years for outstanding innovation in Chinese language education. http://confuciusedmonton.ca

Amongst our friends and our church community we are no less blessed. We have friends who are Chinese and friends who have served Chinese speaking missions. Most recently the church has placed several Mandarin speaking missionaries here and the church itself has even developed a website for Chinese nationals who join the church outside of China. http://www.mormonsandchina.org


But it is perhaps in our own family where our connections to China are even more remarkable. A few years ago, when we first began the adoption process we had begun the application for Thailand. With Todd speaking Thai from his missionary service there, the visits we had enjoyed to that country --( not to mention he great food!), to adopt from Thailand seemed like a natural fit . A couple of years later, when the Thailand program folded and we switched our application to China, we quickly realized that we had an even greater connection to that great country:

- Both Todd's Dad and my uncle served their missions in Hong Kong
- Todd's parents served another mission in China, teaching English in Beijing and delivering wheelchairs as part of the church's humanitarian efforts
- Another of my uncles married ( his second wife) who was from China; they had a child, a daughter , who now lives in California.
- Perhaps most extraordinarily, 40 years ago my grandparents themselves adopted a little girl here in Alberta -- herself 1/2 Chinese. Her and her husband now have 4 children. One of their sons served a mission to Taiwan, came home and married a Chinese girl and they have a darling daughter of their own.


I spoke with my grandmother recently about all of this and she said had been speaking to my grandfather about the very same thing.   " When we were growing up" she said, " the only Chinese people we knew were the ones who owned a local restaurant and some friends we had met in Hawaii.  Then, when we were starting our family, never in our wildest dreams did we ever think that we ourselves would be blessed with these wonderful Chinese grandchildren and great-grandchildren. "

In some ways it feels like we've come full circle, with my grandparents adopting in one generation and we adopting in another one. Perhaps that circle can best be represented by another Chinese tradition or philosophy rather : the Yin-Yang, or 'seemingly opposite or contrary forces' which are in fact 'interconnected and interdependent'.
If it's true that  " Yin and yang can be thought of as complementary (instead of opposing) forces interacting to form a dynamic system in which the whole is greater than the parts, "  then our little Maylia Wei Yang, completes and connects our family, our Yin,  together. She is the sunny side that lights and delights our Shipley shade. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Yin_and_yang She's the one that makes our family whole.

Now that's a tradition worth celebrating.

A Month With Maylia

It's hard to believe that a month ago today we arrived home with Maylia. After being with her for a month, and being so at hem here, it's even harder to believe that she hasn't been with us for the past two + years.

As a rather unlikely way to celebrate this anniversary we had  a visit to the International Adoption Clinic and a visit with a Social Worker. We went to the International Clinic as her first follow-up appointment, to assess where she's at developmentally and medically. We met with the Social Worker to see where she's at socially and emotionally.

At the international clinic we were able to meet with the same physician who had reviewed her file for us in May when we were first matched with Maylia. All the doctor had to go from then was Maylia's (translated) Chinese medical file and 3 photographs. At that time her assessment raised a couple of questions, but mostly calmed our concerns as some of the tests she looked at indicated better results than first thought.
Today's news was even better. Though Maylia was pretty upset and angry during the appointment, both we and the doctor were happy to see how well she has been doing. Although she will still be referred to get an EKG (to check for the initially diagnosed hole in her heart) the doctor told us that had it not been listed other file, she would never had even thought there was a heart problem. Not only was she growing, but her developmental percentile measurements were consistent ( i.e.. 20th percentile for height, weight and head circumference) -- a very healthy indicator. As we told the doctor about her eating and sleeping patterns, she was amazed how well Maylia seemed to be doing for only a month. We received a bunch of requisitions for blood work, stool and urine samples ( things Todd doesn't pay me enough to collect ) so we still have a ways to go before she's declared out of the woods but so far we have an incredibly happy, incredibly healthy, 2 yr old girl. Amazing.

The next appointment at the clinic was with the OT where things went from great to better than great. By this time Maylia was back to her happy self ( to be fair, the doctor was trying to examine her at nap time) and with the OT, well, all we really have to do is play.

With the doctor Maylia screamed and screamed and screamed - took a breath - and screamed some more. By the second appointment the second wind had kicked in and there were balls and books and bottles with lids, her favourite. She performed every test and task with relative ease, and between those -- she just performed.  Would you believe on the play mat Maylia began to do somersaults. Seriously. Somersaults. In a fit of giggles as she flipped over on to her back. Our other kids are blessed with talents and intelligence -- but I'm pretty sure none of them can do a somersault . The OT checked her fine motor and and her gross motor skills. 'Can she run?' ( Sometimes faster than she has strength). 'Can she hop?' (we performed her favourite sleeping bunnies song'). 'Can she throw?'( Our problem is to get her to stop throwing.) Yes, she can definitely throw. Over an hour later -- three hours total with both appointments -- we were discharged with high marks from both assessments with a plan to return in a couple of months time.

The evening included a visit from a Social Worker, from Adoption Options, the agency that had helped us complete our home study. Anyone who adopts internationally is required to complete "Post-Placement Reports" -- formal assessments to see how a child is transitioning. Different countries have different requirements. China requires 5 -- at 1 month, 6 months, a year, 3 years and 5 years. I should have known better than to suppose that once the adoption is completed that reports and paperwork were finished as well. More questions, more forms and another 15 page document. As I've said before, adoption - especially international adoption - is not for the faint of heart. But this is what we signed up for and a few forms is a very small price to pay for the gift we get in Maylia.

The Social Worker asked many of the same questions we had addressed earlier that day. Like the doctor and the OT she too was amazed and impressed at how well Maylia seemed to be doing and how smoothly her transition was going . She didn't have to ask how well Maylia could throw ( Maylia demonstrated) , if she was happy ( Maylia giggled continuously) or how her fine and gross motor skills were as, almost on cue, Maylia began doing somersaults on the floor. It was Operation Shock and Awe.

Some might argue that in going from an orphanage to the Shipley home Maylia has merely moved from one Institution to another. Either way this incredible little girl seems to be not just surviving, but genuinely thriving in this little home,  amongst this odd little family. Sure, we have our flaws, and our skeletons have their closets. Our dysfunction and failures often out weigh the times we function and succeed. But charity never faileth and the love we have and hold for her more than makes up for our many Shipley shortcomings.

No Place Like Home

She's at her most happy while eating or in the bath

She's at her most cantankerous when going down for her nap or at bedtime

She's at her most charming when she's teasing her Daddy or her brothers

She's at her most fun when playing with her sister

She's at her most hilarious when she knows she has an audience watching

She's at her most content -- when she's here.

There's no place like home

Friday, December 20 - Tender Mercies

If you just looked at our clocks, this was a delightfully brief voyage -- we departed Beijing at 6:30p.m. on Friday and arrived on our Edmonton doorstep Friday night at 8. Funny how an hour and a half can feel like 22 hours.

But despite the time, the trouble, and Maylia's seatbelt trauma we had experienced a 'multitude of tender mercies' , to borrow a phrase from Lehi.

So stressed and anxious about the trip home, through my prayers and desperation I had decided to fast before we left Beijing-- as much as our circumstances permitted it. It's not that the Lord wouldn't have answered my prayers only, but I knew through experience that fasting as well as praying would allow me to more easily recognize and respond to the Spirits promptings and to feel His assurances more keenly.  Like fine tuning a radio dial to zero in on a signal.

I prayed for those assurances and those assurances came -- though not in the way that I expected.

At the last General Conference Elder David Bednar spoke about the 'significant but subtle blessings that come as we pay the law of tithing'  - that though we might not get exactly what we pray for, the Lord gives us exactly what we need:

" Sometimes we may ask God for success, and He gives us physical and mental stamina. We might plead for prosperity, and we receive enlarged perspective and increased patience, or we petition for growth and are blessed with the gift of grace. He may bestow upon us conviction and confidence as we strive to achieve worthy goals. And when we plead for relief from physical, mental, and spiritual difficulties, He may increase our resolve and resilience."

Like the payment of tithing, my fast was a small but significant sacrifice that the Lord blessed me for. But instead of an easy trip or a content 2 year old, he gave me kind and patient fellow travellers -- even as they were wiping the salad from them. He gave me a husband who provided endless assistance and sound advice who could calmly state 'if she cries she cries, who cares what people think' -- putting things quickly into perspective. He gave me the ability to creatively entertain Maylia when she was awake, the endurance to hold and rock her when she was asleep  or carry her throughout a busy airport. He gave us competent officials, a delayed flight -- and did I mention the cutest, most incredible, feisty, funny two year old? Too many tender mercies to count. And all in an hour and a half.

We were blessed indeed.

Friday, December 20 -- Welcome To Canada

Because Vancouver was our first touchdown point in Canada, we would have to report to customs and then to immigration there. Despite the extra expense, we had opted for a Friday flight, mostly because it gave us a two hour layover in Vancouver rather than a 9 hour one we would have had had we booked a flight on Saturday.
But because Vancouver was experiencing some severe weather, causing the delays and cancellation of hundreds of flights, we were worried we wouldn't make our connection to Edmonton. Not only were we delayed in taking off, the weather caused us to wait an extra half an hour on the ground while they cleared our gate of ice and snow. The gods were testing me.

We finally disembarked , got through our first customs point,  found our bags and moved onto immigration. We were thrilled to bypass the student and work-visa line and arrive first at the desk indicating 'New Immigrants To Canada'. The man there was extremely friendly and helpful but his job was more 'Welcome Wagon' than any official capacity as he orientated us to what we would need to do and apply for once we returned to Alberta. We in fact did have to go back to the line-up of students and temporary foreign workers and meet with an immigration officer there.

We told the man how soon our next flight was leaving and he said he would try to get us to the front of the line. " It kind of depends on what mood they're in", he whispered.
I looked over at the two stern faced immigration officers. They made Todd look like a ray of sunshine.

There's an episode of Seinfeld where Elaine finds herself on the subway during rush hour delays and power outages. As she stands between unsavoury sorts, desperately wanting to get where she's going, the viewer is treated to the inner dialogue of her mind. The fun and the funny come as you listen to her go from yoga chanting life affirming mantras, to bleeped out , full on screaming in her head. I was experiencing a little of that at that moment. I won't tell you which bit.

We waited.And Waited. And Waited. Until gratefully it was our turn. Credit again to the Chinese and to Children's Bridge as our documents processed without a hitch.

We grabbed our bags and ran as fast as we could, hoping to make it to our gate. Then deadlock. With so many cancelled and delayed flights there was a bottle neck both exiting the customs / baggage area and going through the next security checkpoint. Why they had only one -- ONE -- security screen for the hundreds of transiting passengers was beyond us. Cue more screaming inside my head.

This entire time Maylia had been extraordinarily good tempered but was getting pretty icky. We hadn't wanted to stop at all until we reached our gate, so she had been marinating in her diaper for a while . It was quickly developing a sponge-like consistency and would seep every time she would shift in my arms. I was getting pretty icky too.
While in line we had heard that our flight had been delayed and we made an Amazing Race like dash to our gate after the snail-like pace of the security check point.

10 minutes until boarding time -- enough time for a change.

One more tearful seatbelt wrestle with one more flight -- a mercifully short one this time. And once she was able to leave her seat she fell asleep in my arms and I kept her there until we landed.

No Customs this time. No security or immigration. Just grab our bags and go.

I've never been so thankful to see snow covered streets in my life.

Friday, December 20 -- Journey To The West

The 5 years it took to adopt a child felt like an eternity.

Our 12 hour flight from Beijing to Vancouver felt infinitely longer.

As excited as I was to get home, I had been dreading this flight for much longer than we had been in China. Before we left Edmonton I had come across a news article that had identified a list of 'Airplane Don'ts For Travelers'. Two and a half hours into our flight we had committed most of them. Tantrums, screaming, kicking the seat in front of us, and during our mid-flight meal: tossing a container of salad -- which opened and dumped its contents -- into the seats ( and onto the occupants) in front of us.
Now I had never been under any illusions that this flight would be easy.  Whenever I listened to a child upset on an airplane or heard of a parent's difficult air travel experience I always felt great sympathy for them.
Now I felt empathy.
The biggest challenge for us was the seatbelt. No car seats in China meant that she always traveled on our laps. And to facilitate her eating we also kept her on our laps during mealtimes so her experiences of sitting independently were extremely limited. As we boarded the plane in Beijing and sat in our seats with her between us we tried to lure her into her own chair. I was just anxious to get going and get it over with but we were delayed on the ground for almost an hour so she was already extremely restless when we tried to wrestle her into her seat. It took two of us to pin her down and we held her, screaming until we finally took off. After about 15-20 minutes ( considerably longer for those sitting around us) she wore herself out and, to her credit, resigned herself to her confinement. Boy was she mad.
When the seatbelt light finally switched off she literally leapt onto my lap and stayed there, tossing, turning, twisting, jumping, kicking, straining until mealtime where she actually sat in her seat again for at least a little while. After the food flinging incident I kept her as close to me as possible, trying to avoid eye contact with the family in front of us. Let's just say it would have been a lot easier for us if the little family of three -- cute couple with an even cuter baby -- weren't so darn charming and perfect. That baby hardly peeped the entire flight as if we didn't look bad enough already.
I confess to being secretly relieved when I'd hear another child crying somewhere on the plane.
Deep down I'm a very shallow person.

By 9 we were hoping she'd go to sleep and it took a few more tears, a lot of tossing, twisting and turning before she finally settled down. Mercifully she slept for about 5 hours -- fitfully -- but slept nonetheless. She awoke in good spirits for breakfast and I've never been so grateful for airplane food in my life -- they served congee.

Nearly 12 hours later we were back to where we started, wrestling her into her seat and belt.

Tantrum, tears, then finally, touch down.

Thursday, December 19 -- Duck Dynasty

We knew we were going out for Peking duck but didn’t realize what a gastronomical adventure we would be enjoying.

We walked to the restaurant as it was just a couple of blocks from our hotel. It was an older building but we could see from the outside that the place was packed. We went in and were led to a large round table covered in plates and glassware, no plastic ikea cutlery in sight. They brought us a baby chair but we weren’t sure how Maylia would do as she had always resisted sitting anywhere but my lap. We formed a plan and appealed to her always eager appetite -- placing some goldfish snacks on the tray before we put her in. She was definitely nervous and began to reach and whine but we smiled and talked to her and I kept as close to her as I could. Not only had she not argued when we put her mittens on earlier but now she was now sitting quite happily in a high chair. Another milestone reached. 

Joan took the encyclopedic-like menu and went over it with one of the waiters. As she ordered most everything on her own without really asking us any preferences I was admittedly a little nervous. Moments later they brought us a bowl of petite mandarin oranges dramatically nestled on top of a bowl of dry ice, and, not a few moments after that, our dishes began to arrive. There was a colourful combination of vegetable and meat dishes -- chicken with peanuts and chilies, sauteed lettuce, corn with chopped red and green peppers, and a heaping bowl of black things that looked like a fungus and tasted like a pickled rubber mushroom. It actually felt squeaky when you bit into it. The main dishes were the noodles and the Peking duck, both special dishes here in Beijing. They brought out our duck already sliced though at most of the other tables a chef carved the duck right at the table. The duck was presented with portioned plates for each person with a mixture of vegetables, sauces, and spices. Small round shells, (think of a tortilla made from a wonton wrapper) sat in a bamboo steamer and you would take one on to your plate and then fill it, fajita style, with whatever customized combination your palate preferred. The noodles were the same way  -- served plain but accompanied by a a personal plate of more sauces and vegetables. 

The dinner was absolutely delicious but we were even more pleased with Maylia who sat quite contentedly in her chair while eating rice and corn from a wooden bowl they had brought her. As we had had only  one utensil thrown across the table, and neither Todd nor I had ended up covered in food, for us the night felt like a quacking success. 

Thursday, December 19 -- Shopping on Silk Street

This was it. Our last day in Beijing. Our last day in China for that matter. It was good to be at the end though at the same time, hard to believe  all that had happened in the past 2 weeks. Two weeks ago we didn’t even really know who this little girl was and what she was about and now could not even begin to imagine life without her --or that we were were without her she seemed so ingrained in us already. I’ve had to laugh as more than a few times this week Todd keeps calling her Sophia. You know she’s a natural part of the family when she’s already getting mixed up with other kids’ names.

There was nothing formal or official on today’s schedule. Most of the other families from Canada we had met were going home today and we wondered why our flights hadn’t been scheduled until Friday. We presumed it was to allow an extra day just in case the Canadian Embassy took longer to process Maylia’s Visa. Thankfully it had come through so today was simply fun -- shopping at Silk Street and Peking Duck for dinner.

Joan met us down in the lobby along with the S and their sweet daughter L. It was interesting to see how well both girls seemed to match their families. The S’s are kind, calm -- simply lovely people. They have been such a pleasure to get to know and we hope we can keep connected in the future. Their daughter too is quiet, sweet (though they’ve said she’s also had her share of tears and tantrums )a lovely, lovely girl of 15 months.  We walked past them as they too were having dinner at the buffet restaurant the other night. L sat in her highchair, not a lick of food on her tray or on the table. I asked J how she managed to keep her so clean and she said they fed her a little at a time and that she ate everything they gave her. There is something almost unreal about that level of perfection. 

Contrast that with our experience in the dining room. We have rubber bibs and sippy cups, napkins on our laps and ones laid out on the table, with the wait staff having extras at the ready. We go through multiple baby wipes, not to mention utensils and side bends and we try to swoop down and pick up what’s been dropped. Because I am still serving as the baby chair she and I are both accessorized with slops and spills by the end of the meal. Simply put we are a disaster and I feel like we should tip the laundry workers as well as the wait staff following our feast.

Maylia too has morphed quickly from still and silent to precocious and playful. She can laugh as loud as she screams and loves to tease as well as to talk. How were we so lucky to get this girl.

After meeting downstairs we loaded into the van and headed off to Silk Street. Todd and I had visited Silk Street once before with his parents. It was paradise for a clothing coveter like myself. Many of the things I dared only enjoy from magazines were fond in Silk Street at prices lower than I could find at a second hand shop. Sure, some of the items were knock-offs, made to look the same with Chinese labels but they were beautifully made nonetheless and what we found more often than not, were that many of the items were from past seasons, still trendy but a couple of years old. Some even had slight flaws -- Years ago I had purchased a Burberry trench coat for 15 dollars whose button holes were too close to the edge of the lapel. Not a big deal as far as how it looks or wears, but a tremendous deal as far as the price -- a coat that would retail for about $800. So, needless to say, I was a more than a little excited to see what they had in store. We had heard that they ( whoever ‘they’ were) were cracking down on counterfeit goods so we weren’t sure what to expect. We entered the complex, looked at the directory and pledged to meet back in two hours -- only 8 hours less than I would have liked to have spent there. As we walked through the halls past various small stores -- packed full of stock and side by side each other -- we were called to by every, single shop owner -- “ Do you want to buy a t-shirt, a sweater, I have handbags at special price.” Ah yes, the special price, only for you. That was a favourite phrase. 

We walked through to get a sense of the place. Each level or section was organized into shoes or clothes or handbags, ties, scarves or textiles. Once we saw the products we were interested in, the next step was to get a sense of their prices -- both what they were asking for as well as what they were willing to come down to. Once you got that, you had a number to take with you to the next place you were looking at, a number that was reasonable for both sides. We definitely wanted  a good price -- we wanted a great one in fact, but as Todd said, we weren’t going to grind them down over a few dollars. Where much is given much is required and for all we enjoyed in our abundantly blessed western lives, we could happily afford to give them an extra 5 or 10 bucks -- especially when we were saving sometimes hundreds.

We stopped at a handbag store first and looked at some beautiful brand name bags. The clerk promised us ‘special price’ and punched a number into a calculator. 

Mexico, Turkey, Thailand or China, they ALL have a calculator. I can never calculate Yuan to dollars fast enough but I knew enough to know that she was asking a ridiculous price -- she was testing us too. Todd quickly laughed and asked her to give us her best price. They always ask us for what we are willing to pay and Todd gave a number. She countered back and that went on for a couple of minutes before Todd said to walk away. As we did she called out another number, then a lower one, then a lower one. “ You see,” Todd said, now we know what her base is and what we can ask for at any other shop. She had a number of great bags and I said we’d come back --  knowing full well that nearly the same products and prices would be at 20 other stores. 

We continued to wander in and out of shops and found a couple more we’d liked but did end up going back to that first shop. Todd went up to the girl and said, “for you, special price” and gave her a number. That disarmed her, she laughed and shook her head and put the handbag we wanted into a shopping bag. “ You broke my heart with that price” she said. “ You broke my wallet” Todd replied. She laughed again and we both left happy. She still made a lot of money and we saved even more. We paid less than $15 dollars for a beautiful leather bag. 

The exchange between Todd and the clerks carried on at a few more stores, whether it was clothing, ties or handbags. They would try to talk and plead with me, and I would tell them that my husband was the bank and they need to talk to him . He was also the best bargainer. Frankly I hated bargaining and was no good at it. Todd had turned it into both a science and an art. I suppose we were a good team -- I would try on and gush over the goods so the store clerks would think they had an easy sale. Then I would step away while Todd teased them and went toe to toe with their sales pitch , counteract and catch them off guard by saying “Here is my special price” and he would stick to his amount until they met it. If they didn’t, we would walk away but they would never let us get very far before they called us  back and begrudgingly took his money. “ You are very hard” one girl said. “ And your wife and baby are so nice.” Todd only smiled, pointed to me and Maylia and said, “ My wife is nice, my daughter is nice, but I ( pointing to his chest) have a teeny teeny heart!” He was both charming and cheap. There was a reason at the conclusion of our shopping spree our guide Joan said, : “My favourite part was watching Todd bargain!” 

At the end of the two hours we , or should I say I, had come out very well with some lovely clothes and a couple of great bags. Other than a few ties most of the items purchased were for me or Maylia. And I have to say,  I do love a husband who, when we came home and we laid the things on the bed, he smiled proudly and said, “we did very well” -- when hardly any of it was for him. He was just as happy to have gotten the things for his girls as he would have been to buy for himself.   

Sorry ladies, he’s taken.

We returned home for Maylia’s nap and so we could begin to pack and prepare to meet Joan and the S’s for dinner later that evening.

Wednesday, December 18 -- A Tour of Tiananmen and the Forbidden City

Because Maylia seemed to be feeling much better and her cough had greatly improved we looked forward to spending the day with Joan and the S family. When we had run into them the day before they confirmed that their day at the Wall had been difficult. It was incredibly cold, the steps incredibly steep and their daughter had cried nearly the entire time. We were relieved we had chosen to stay home.Today’s tour would still be cold but definitely easier than a climb to the Wall.

The last time Todd and I had been to the Forbidden City a number of the pavilions had been under construction. It was the year before the Beijing Olympics and they were renovating and readying every facility for the influx of international visitors that would surely come. So we were looking forward to seeing it again, a little less encumbered.

Both places were surprisingly close to our hotel -- not a ten minute drive away. Our first stop was at Tiananmen Square, located just outside of the Forbidden City. Tiananmen Square was named after the Tiananmen Gate located on the north side, and originally built in 1415 as the Gate to the Forbidden City. It was since expanded and is now one of the largest city squares in the world and the site of a number of important events in Chinese History. To most of the world it’s most notoriously known for the uprisings that occurred there in the late 80’s. I still remember the image shown on t.v. of the man in the white shirt standing boldly in front of a line of tanks, during a time when hundreds if not thousands of protesters were killed. 

There are still hundreds of thousands of people there but instead of a place of protest it is a place of pride. We were amazed when we visited in 2007 and just as amazed now that the majority of tourists to Tiananmen are Chinese. They come mostly in groups, wearing bright matching caps with their guide carrying a tall flag. We were in a group too, but were distinguished by blankets and babies rather than hats and flags. We were conspicuous enough -- the postcard hawkers all seemed to zero in on us, but we also would get looks of surprise and shock when they saw us carrying little Chinese children.  People would look down at the kids and then look at us and then talk to one another in Chinese. What I wouldn’t do for the gift of tongues.

I asked Becky a few days earlier what she thought of what other Chinese people thought about us adopting one of their children -- wanting their unwanted. She said that though some would be concerned and think it wasn’t right, that most people would be pleased, even surprised that we would want another child, particularly one with special needs. Because Maylia didn’t appear to have any physical difficulties not to mention being so ridiculously cute, I was sure that they thought  we had stolen her -- especially when she cried in public.  Todd once again reassured me with an eye roll, a shake of his head and a reminder of how crazy I was. I reminded him that of course I was crazy, and would have to be to remain married to him for this long. 

We took a number of photos around the square and then walked across the street and through another security checkpoint to enter into the Forbidden City.

The Forbidden City is really quite and extraordinary place. What may simply look as a series of buildings and courtyards are the grounds of an extensive Imperial Palace dating back to the 1400’s.

Wikipedia describes it simply and best:

The Forbidden City was the Chinese imperial palace from the Ming Dynasty to the end of the Qing Dynasty. It is located in the centre of Beijing, China, and now houses the Palace Museum. For almost 500 years, it served as the home of emperors and their households, as well as the ceremonial and political center of Chinese government.

Built in 1406 to 1420, the complex consists of 980 buildings and covers 720,000 m² (7,800,000 sq ft).[1] The palace complex exemplifies traditional Chinese palatial architecture,[2] and has influenced cultural and architectural developments in East Asia and elsewhere. The Forbidden City was declared a World Heritage Site in 1987,[2] and is listed by UNESCO as the largest collection of preserved ancient wooden structures in the world.

Definitely not something to sneeze at. 

The weather was getting colder and the wind picking up -- thankfully we had been able to get not just her hood on but her mittens as well -- albeit through some tears and screams. I think it was cold enough -- and she was numb enough -- that she stopped resisting after a while for which we were grateful . The buildings are extraordinary -- it’s hard to believe how many hundreds of years old they are. Its also hard to believe that for the Imperial Family and those who lived there, this was all of Beijing they ever knew, never venturing beyond the city walls. That said, there was no getting bored with the number of buildings to explore, not to mention, some of the best building names ever. Some of my favourites include The Pavilion of Prolonged Sunshine, The Palace of Gathering Essence, The Palace of Supporting Longevity, Hall of Temper Cultivation, 

The Hall for Respect & Thinking, and, my personal favourite, The Pavilion of Literary Profundity. A building by any other name wouldn’t be near as much fun. 

As much as we were enjoying the tour, that made only two of us. Maylia was getting more tired, cold and hungry by the moment and there was only so many goldfish that could keep her happy. After about an hour and a half and a bit of a nap we reached the other side of the city where our driver met us and taxied us back to the hotel. 

Lunch was good and a a late afternoon nap was better. When she woke up we met Joan downstairs to pick up the last of the paperwork that had been issued from the Canadian Embassy. Maylai was official, and we were officially good to go...but not for one more day. It will be a light day tomorrow. A little shopping and then supper together with our group -- Peking Duck I think. 

I was looking forward to to our last day, looking forward even more to going home. 

Tuesday, December 17 -- Adventure Around Town + some Ghastly Gastronomics

Today was a down day for us. Although we were scheduled to visit the Great Wall, because Maylia was still feeling poorly and refused to wear her winter gear, we felt it was best to keep her in for at least most of the day. Todd and I had also been fortunate enough to see The Great Wall on our first visit to China. We had seen Mutainyu, the section with a cable car to the top and an alpine slide to the bottom. The section of the wall they were visiting today was a smaller, much steeper section and, from what we had seen, it was a challenging climb for anyone, let alone while trying to carry a squirming toddler so we were more than happy to stay close to home. 

We spent most of the day indoors, but by the late afternoon we were ready to venture out. Now there are a number of milestones we have already missed in Maylia’s little life: Her first smile, her first tooth, when she rolled over, sat up or took her first step. So we have celebrated milestones of a different sort. Today when we went outside and bundled her up in her coat it was the first time we had gotten her to keep her hood on without screaming. We took a photo and cheered. That was a major milestone for us . We couldn’t get gloves on yet but it was all about baby steps. 

We headed down to Wangfujing, along with hundreds of other people and braved our way across roads, through a crazy maze of foot and street traffic. The place we were heading for was a market we had had only a glimpse of on our first day here: a place that Grayson was dying to explore, the crazy food market. The one where we had seen the scorpions and starfish on sticks. We were thrilled to discover that scorpions and starfish were only the beginning. We exited Wangfujing down a long alley way . Bright red and gold lanterns hung overhead illuminating a path  lined with hundreds of stalls and teeming with people. Shopkeepers sang and shouted while others played musical instruments. Most were dressed for the weather and wore Chairman Mao caps on their heads . Some were wearing Imperial style costumes but my favourite are always the traditional chinese silk caps with the black tassels. 

As we entered the street, though it was definitely a feast for the senses, there was very little there I would have dared to feast on -- though we were clearly in the minority. Most people had come here for the food and were eating creatures from sticks that looked more alive than deep fried. Over in the stalls were bamboo skewers of varying lengths and thicknesses threaded with whole squid, lengths of grubs even spatchcocked lizards. If those weren’t eerie enough, bald barbecued baby birds stared out from the counters until they were thrust into our faces by shopkeepers hoping for a sale. It was a whole different kind of Kentucky Fried Chicken. There were piles of noodles and plates of steamed dumplings. Boiling and steaming drinks in a neon rainbow of  colours. Some meat was being grilled on upright spits like the donairs in Turkey, giant snails and lengths of sea cucumber. There were sweets too. Piles of colourfully wrapped candy, blocks of nuts and seeds held together like a brittle. There were elaborate lollipops -- threads of hardened sugar that had been drawn and spun into beautiful designs. My favourite though were the skewered fruit, covered in a coat of shiny sugar syrup that had hardened like a candy apple.

After the food stalls we found ourselves in the ultimate dollar store with every possible trinket ...from every possible country. It was funny to see African and Mayan masks amongst the Chairman Mao playing cards and “ handmade marble” Great wall replicas. Apparently all the “original artifacts” we had purchased on all of our other travels were all being bought and sold right here in Wangfujing street. We did buy a few things -- I mean who can resist a set of playing cards with the theme of “ China’s Treacherous Court Officials” ? At the next food market we finally treated ourselves to something to eat -- though we weren’t very brave. We indulged in donair styled meat ( spicy & delicious) and some skewered sugared strawberries ( crunchy, sweet and equally delicious). 

Since Maylia had refused to put on her mittens we decided to head home and finish with a meal at the buffet. This seems to be Maylia’s favourite time. We sit in a booth and I help her on with her rubber bib -- styled a bit like a training bra. Though we definitely are in training of sorts. We push everything else on the table away, lay out a cloth napkin and with a fork and spoon in each had, wait for Daddy to serve us. ( Let’s be honest, this is my favourite time too.) Todd comes by shortly thereafter with a plate of noodles or pasta, cuts it into pieces and Maylia gets to work. Sometimes I can feed her a few bites but she is more and more independent -- except when it comes to seating, she still eats her entire meal while sitting in my lap. Baby steps. Todd brings my food next then a plate for himself and we enjoy a meal together -- no prep, no dishes, just enjoy a meal. This is the life.

Monday, December 16 -- The Waiting Room and A Waiting Game

As much as it’s hard to believe that we’ve had Maylia with us for a week, in some ways it’s even harder to believe that she hasn’t always been part of our family. We feel so comfortable together and feel that we intuitively know her and instinctively love her. The fact that she’s ridiculously cute, precocious and a shameless flirt with her father doesn’t hurt either!

Today we headed out as a group to the International SOS clinic. Canadian Visa applications require a medical check-up before you can submit your application so we stopped by the clinic to ( hopefully) give Maylia  the clearance she needed to come to Canada.

The clinic wasn’t far and, as we waited in the children’s play/waiting area, a number of other adoptive families came in, presumably to do the same thing we were. We learned they were all Canadian too -- from Montreal. There were 4 new daughters and one new son -- all the first children in their families. 

I have often bemoaned the length of time it has taken for us to adopt -- the weeks and months of years of waiting, but speaking to these families today put a quick end to my complaints. Most of these families had been waiting for 7 years...and one of them had been waiting for 8. The reason was that all of them had applied under the regular China program -- healthy infant adoption with no special needs ( at least none that have yet to be identified).

Once again Todd and I considered our luck and counted our blessings. Even though we began our adoption application 5 years ago, it was only 2 and 1/2 years if we looked just at the China portion of our application ( we were originally trying to adopt from Thailand when we started 5 years ago). And even though we had adopted as part of the Waiting Child program -- which places older children with correctible medical needs -- here we have this little girl which, for all intents and purposes seems to have very little if any health problems whatsoever ( more on those later).

The other thing to consider too is, that even if the physical challenges are identified, there might be a number of cognitive or challenges that aren’t. We learned that with Steele. If we were to categorize him he would have been under a healthy infant adoption -- because the Autism would not have been known until much later. 

But what we also learned from Steele , and much more importantly, is that, special needs does not identify a deficiency or weakness. In fact, quite the opposite. The parlance of the day often makes critical reference to the word ‘special’ but truly there is something exceptional, unique, even remarkable about these kids who have been blessed with these challenges.  Surely God has given them weaknesses as defined by the standards of our day. But it is more than just through His mercy that he has compensated them with extraordinary gifts and abilities that go far beyond the challenges they have. 

Like the scripture in Ether says:  And if men come unto me I will show unto them their ^aweakness. I ^bgive unto men weakness that they may be humble; and my ^cgrace is sufficient for all men that ^dhumble themselves before me; for if they humble themselves before me, and have faith in me, then will I make ^eweak things become strong unto them.

Aside from the blessing of these unique children, Todd and I feel also blessed for what these kids require of us as parents. We are far better parents than we would be if we had children with lesser challenges. We too have been compelled to be humble as we’ve had to rely on the Lord and on each other to meet these challenges. 

We have always taught Steele to be proud of his Autism and to never be ashamed to identify himself by it. One of my favourite Steele moments was when he came home from school one day and told us that he had been learning about Autism in class. 

“ It’s part of the way the brain works,” he said as he told us a few more details about the class discussion. “But do you know what the best news is?” he exclaimed as he raised his hands in the air, “there’s no known cure!”

Now that’s what I call Awe-tism.

Maylia, though she has a couple of small medical issues, will also face some difficulties as she grows up as she understands more and more about her adoption, and what that means. She will have to forge her identity both in spite of but more especially because of being adopted. I hope we can teach her too that her ‘special need’ is what makes her special indeed. That her adoption is both a gift and a blessing.

Sunday, December 15 -- The Spirit of Christmas

She slept fitfully, coughing and wheezing so much it was hard to rest. When she woke up, still coughing and congested, we decided it was best to stay in for the evening. Since it was Sunday here we decided to watch last weeks First Presidency Christmas broadcast. I was looking forward to it. For the past week I had been feeling surprisingly homesick. I love traveling and taking adventures away. Especially knowing that everything and everyone is being so well taken care of at home, there’s nothing I love more than to experience the wonder of wandering in a new country and culture. But for some reason this felt different. Of course we were here under entirely different circumstances than previous trips , but everyday I seemed to wish for and want to be home -- to have her home, to begin our routine and life with a house of six. I also missed Christmas -- the snow, the excitement of our kids.Sure they had Christmas trees here, Christmas music was played in the hotels and in the malls. In fact, We were impressed to see how often we heard or saw the phrase Merry Christmas posted. To this country’s credit, we haven’t once seen a Happy Holidays or Merry X-mas in this primarily Buddhist but mostly secular nation. Merry Christmas has been the mantra of the day. But for whatever reason, this season simply hasn’t felt the same and I confess to missing the boxes and baking the snow the shopping -- even all the Christmas chaos -- I missed it. I really did.

So as we sat down to watch the First Presidency Christmas devotional , I was looking for a Christmas lift to my spirits.

It was a beautiful devotional , formatted much differently than it had been in the past. I found myself quite emotional and as I watched I found myself considering Christmas quite differently . As talk after talk reminded me to forget the commercial bustle of Christmas and focus on Christ,  I thought about something Todd had reminded me of: that we had a rare opportunity to spend time together and focus on nothing but her needs. No demands, no distractions. Our exclusive focus could be on her and building her relationship with both of us. I though of the Savior, who, throughout his ministry , though he preached to all, also focused on the one. 

A professor at BYU had reminded our class once that the word sheep is both singular and plural. To Feed His Sheep is not to just feed the five thousand, but to nourish and nurture the single sheep -- even a little lamb like Maylia. 

Soon my wistful feelings grew into gratitude, thankful for the precious gift of this time together. 

I loved these words from President Monson: 

“ Finding the real joy of Christmas comes not in the hurrying and the scurrying to get more done. We find the real joy of Christmas when we make the Savior the focus of the season.

May we give as the Savior gave. To give of oneself is a holy gift. We give as a remembrance of all the Savior has given. May we also give gifts that have eternal value, along with our gifts that eventually break or are forgotten. How much better the world would be if we all gave gifts of understanding and compassion, of service and friendship, of kindness and gentleness.

As the Christmas season envelops us with all its glory, may we, as did the Wise Men, seek a bright, particular star to guide us in our celebration of the Savior’s birth. May we all make the journey to Bethlehem in spirit, taking with us a tender, caring heart as our gift to the Savior.”