Wednesday, December 18 -- A Tour of Tiananmen and the Forbidden City

Because Maylia seemed to be feeling much better and her cough had greatly improved we looked forward to spending the day with Joan and the S family. When we had run into them the day before they confirmed that their day at the Wall had been difficult. It was incredibly cold, the steps incredibly steep and their daughter had cried nearly the entire time. We were relieved we had chosen to stay home.Today’s tour would still be cold but definitely easier than a climb to the Wall.

The last time Todd and I had been to the Forbidden City a number of the pavilions had been under construction. It was the year before the Beijing Olympics and they were renovating and readying every facility for the influx of international visitors that would surely come. So we were looking forward to seeing it again, a little less encumbered.

Both places were surprisingly close to our hotel -- not a ten minute drive away. Our first stop was at Tiananmen Square, located just outside of the Forbidden City. Tiananmen Square was named after the Tiananmen Gate located on the north side, and originally built in 1415 as the Gate to the Forbidden City. It was since expanded and is now one of the largest city squares in the world and the site of a number of important events in Chinese History. To most of the world it’s most notoriously known for the uprisings that occurred there in the late 80’s. I still remember the image shown on t.v. of the man in the white shirt standing boldly in front of a line of tanks, during a time when hundreds if not thousands of protesters were killed. 

There are still hundreds of thousands of people there but instead of a place of protest it is a place of pride. We were amazed when we visited in 2007 and just as amazed now that the majority of tourists to Tiananmen are Chinese. They come mostly in groups, wearing bright matching caps with their guide carrying a tall flag. We were in a group too, but were distinguished by blankets and babies rather than hats and flags. We were conspicuous enough -- the postcard hawkers all seemed to zero in on us, but we also would get looks of surprise and shock when they saw us carrying little Chinese children.  People would look down at the kids and then look at us and then talk to one another in Chinese. What I wouldn’t do for the gift of tongues.

I asked Becky a few days earlier what she thought of what other Chinese people thought about us adopting one of their children -- wanting their unwanted. She said that though some would be concerned and think it wasn’t right, that most people would be pleased, even surprised that we would want another child, particularly one with special needs. Because Maylia didn’t appear to have any physical difficulties not to mention being so ridiculously cute, I was sure that they thought  we had stolen her -- especially when she cried in public.  Todd once again reassured me with an eye roll, a shake of his head and a reminder of how crazy I was. I reminded him that of course I was crazy, and would have to be to remain married to him for this long. 

We took a number of photos around the square and then walked across the street and through another security checkpoint to enter into the Forbidden City.

The Forbidden City is really quite and extraordinary place. What may simply look as a series of buildings and courtyards are the grounds of an extensive Imperial Palace dating back to the 1400’s.

Wikipedia describes it simply and best:

The Forbidden City was the Chinese imperial palace from the Ming Dynasty to the end of the Qing Dynasty. It is located in the centre of Beijing, China, and now houses the Palace Museum. For almost 500 years, it served as the home of emperors and their households, as well as the ceremonial and political center of Chinese government.

Built in 1406 to 1420, the complex consists of 980 buildings and covers 720,000 m² (7,800,000 sq ft).[1] The palace complex exemplifies traditional Chinese palatial architecture,[2] and has influenced cultural and architectural developments in East Asia and elsewhere. The Forbidden City was declared a World Heritage Site in 1987,[2] and is listed by UNESCO as the largest collection of preserved ancient wooden structures in the world.

Definitely not something to sneeze at. 

The weather was getting colder and the wind picking up -- thankfully we had been able to get not just her hood on but her mittens as well -- albeit through some tears and screams. I think it was cold enough -- and she was numb enough -- that she stopped resisting after a while for which we were grateful . The buildings are extraordinary -- it’s hard to believe how many hundreds of years old they are. Its also hard to believe that for the Imperial Family and those who lived there, this was all of Beijing they ever knew, never venturing beyond the city walls. That said, there was no getting bored with the number of buildings to explore, not to mention, some of the best building names ever. Some of my favourites include The Pavilion of Prolonged Sunshine, The Palace of Gathering Essence, The Palace of Supporting Longevity, Hall of Temper Cultivation, 

The Hall for Respect & Thinking, and, my personal favourite, The Pavilion of Literary Profundity. A building by any other name wouldn’t be near as much fun. 

As much as we were enjoying the tour, that made only two of us. Maylia was getting more tired, cold and hungry by the moment and there was only so many goldfish that could keep her happy. After about an hour and a half and a bit of a nap we reached the other side of the city where our driver met us and taxied us back to the hotel. 

Lunch was good and a a late afternoon nap was better. When she woke up we met Joan downstairs to pick up the last of the paperwork that had been issued from the Canadian Embassy. Maylai was official, and we were officially good to go...but not for one more day. It will be a light day tomorrow. A little shopping and then supper together with our group -- Peking Duck I think. 

I was looking forward to to our last day, looking forward even more to going home. 

Tuesday, December 17 -- Adventure Around Town + some Ghastly Gastronomics

Today was a down day for us. Although we were scheduled to visit the Great Wall, because Maylia was still feeling poorly and refused to wear her winter gear, we felt it was best to keep her in for at least most of the day. Todd and I had also been fortunate enough to see The Great Wall on our first visit to China. We had seen Mutainyu, the section with a cable car to the top and an alpine slide to the bottom. The section of the wall they were visiting today was a smaller, much steeper section and, from what we had seen, it was a challenging climb for anyone, let alone while trying to carry a squirming toddler so we were more than happy to stay close to home. 

We spent most of the day indoors, but by the late afternoon we were ready to venture out. Now there are a number of milestones we have already missed in Maylia’s little life: Her first smile, her first tooth, when she rolled over, sat up or took her first step. So we have celebrated milestones of a different sort. Today when we went outside and bundled her up in her coat it was the first time we had gotten her to keep her hood on without screaming. We took a photo and cheered. That was a major milestone for us . We couldn’t get gloves on yet but it was all about baby steps. 

We headed down to Wangfujing, along with hundreds of other people and braved our way across roads, through a crazy maze of foot and street traffic. The place we were heading for was a market we had had only a glimpse of on our first day here: a place that Grayson was dying to explore, the crazy food market. The one where we had seen the scorpions and starfish on sticks. We were thrilled to discover that scorpions and starfish were only the beginning. We exited Wangfujing down a long alley way . Bright red and gold lanterns hung overhead illuminating a path  lined with hundreds of stalls and teeming with people. Shopkeepers sang and shouted while others played musical instruments. Most were dressed for the weather and wore Chairman Mao caps on their heads . Some were wearing Imperial style costumes but my favourite are always the traditional chinese silk caps with the black tassels. 

As we entered the street, though it was definitely a feast for the senses, there was very little there I would have dared to feast on -- though we were clearly in the minority. Most people had come here for the food and were eating creatures from sticks that looked more alive than deep fried. Over in the stalls were bamboo skewers of varying lengths and thicknesses threaded with whole squid, lengths of grubs even spatchcocked lizards. If those weren’t eerie enough, bald barbecued baby birds stared out from the counters until they were thrust into our faces by shopkeepers hoping for a sale. It was a whole different kind of Kentucky Fried Chicken. There were piles of noodles and plates of steamed dumplings. Boiling and steaming drinks in a neon rainbow of  colours. Some meat was being grilled on upright spits like the donairs in Turkey, giant snails and lengths of sea cucumber. There were sweets too. Piles of colourfully wrapped candy, blocks of nuts and seeds held together like a brittle. There were elaborate lollipops -- threads of hardened sugar that had been drawn and spun into beautiful designs. My favourite though were the skewered fruit, covered in a coat of shiny sugar syrup that had hardened like a candy apple.

After the food stalls we found ourselves in the ultimate dollar store with every possible trinket ...from every possible country. It was funny to see African and Mayan masks amongst the Chairman Mao playing cards and “ handmade marble” Great wall replicas. Apparently all the “original artifacts” we had purchased on all of our other travels were all being bought and sold right here in Wangfujing street. We did buy a few things -- I mean who can resist a set of playing cards with the theme of “ China’s Treacherous Court Officials” ? At the next food market we finally treated ourselves to something to eat -- though we weren’t very brave. We indulged in donair styled meat ( spicy & delicious) and some skewered sugared strawberries ( crunchy, sweet and equally delicious). 

Since Maylia had refused to put on her mittens we decided to head home and finish with a meal at the buffet. This seems to be Maylia’s favourite time. We sit in a booth and I help her on with her rubber bib -- styled a bit like a training bra. Though we definitely are in training of sorts. We push everything else on the table away, lay out a cloth napkin and with a fork and spoon in each had, wait for Daddy to serve us. ( Let’s be honest, this is my favourite time too.) Todd comes by shortly thereafter with a plate of noodles or pasta, cuts it into pieces and Maylia gets to work. Sometimes I can feed her a few bites but she is more and more independent -- except when it comes to seating, she still eats her entire meal while sitting in my lap. Baby steps. Todd brings my food next then a plate for himself and we enjoy a meal together -- no prep, no dishes, just enjoy a meal. This is the life.

Monday, December 16 -- The Waiting Room and A Waiting Game

As much as it’s hard to believe that we’ve had Maylia with us for a week, in some ways it’s even harder to believe that she hasn’t always been part of our family. We feel so comfortable together and feel that we intuitively know her and instinctively love her. The fact that she’s ridiculously cute, precocious and a shameless flirt with her father doesn’t hurt either!

Today we headed out as a group to the International SOS clinic. Canadian Visa applications require a medical check-up before you can submit your application so we stopped by the clinic to ( hopefully) give Maylia  the clearance she needed to come to Canada.

The clinic wasn’t far and, as we waited in the children’s play/waiting area, a number of other adoptive families came in, presumably to do the same thing we were. We learned they were all Canadian too -- from Montreal. There were 4 new daughters and one new son -- all the first children in their families. 

I have often bemoaned the length of time it has taken for us to adopt -- the weeks and months of years of waiting, but speaking to these families today put a quick end to my complaints. Most of these families had been waiting for 7 years...and one of them had been waiting for 8. The reason was that all of them had applied under the regular China program -- healthy infant adoption with no special needs ( at least none that have yet to be identified).

Once again Todd and I considered our luck and counted our blessings. Even though we began our adoption application 5 years ago, it was only 2 and 1/2 years if we looked just at the China portion of our application ( we were originally trying to adopt from Thailand when we started 5 years ago). And even though we had adopted as part of the Waiting Child program -- which places older children with correctible medical needs -- here we have this little girl which, for all intents and purposes seems to have very little if any health problems whatsoever ( more on those later).

The other thing to consider too is, that even if the physical challenges are identified, there might be a number of cognitive or challenges that aren’t. We learned that with Steele. If we were to categorize him he would have been under a healthy infant adoption -- because the Autism would not have been known until much later. 

But what we also learned from Steele , and much more importantly, is that, special needs does not identify a deficiency or weakness. In fact, quite the opposite. The parlance of the day often makes critical reference to the word ‘special’ but truly there is something exceptional, unique, even remarkable about these kids who have been blessed with these challenges.  Surely God has given them weaknesses as defined by the standards of our day. But it is more than just through His mercy that he has compensated them with extraordinary gifts and abilities that go far beyond the challenges they have. 

Like the scripture in Ether says:  And if men come unto me I will show unto them their ^aweakness. I ^bgive unto men weakness that they may be humble; and my ^cgrace is sufficient for all men that ^dhumble themselves before me; for if they humble themselves before me, and have faith in me, then will I make ^eweak things become strong unto them.

Aside from the blessing of these unique children, Todd and I feel also blessed for what these kids require of us as parents. We are far better parents than we would be if we had children with lesser challenges. We too have been compelled to be humble as we’ve had to rely on the Lord and on each other to meet these challenges. 

We have always taught Steele to be proud of his Autism and to never be ashamed to identify himself by it. One of my favourite Steele moments was when he came home from school one day and told us that he had been learning about Autism in class. 

“ It’s part of the way the brain works,” he said as he told us a few more details about the class discussion. “But do you know what the best news is?” he exclaimed as he raised his hands in the air, “there’s no known cure!”

Now that’s what I call Awe-tism.

Maylia, though she has a couple of small medical issues, will also face some difficulties as she grows up as she understands more and more about her adoption, and what that means. She will have to forge her identity both in spite of but more especially because of being adopted. I hope we can teach her too that her ‘special need’ is what makes her special indeed. That her adoption is both a gift and a blessing.

Sunday, December 15 -- The Spirit of Christmas

She slept fitfully, coughing and wheezing so much it was hard to rest. When she woke up, still coughing and congested, we decided it was best to stay in for the evening. Since it was Sunday here we decided to watch last weeks First Presidency Christmas broadcast. I was looking forward to it. For the past week I had been feeling surprisingly homesick. I love traveling and taking adventures away. Especially knowing that everything and everyone is being so well taken care of at home, there’s nothing I love more than to experience the wonder of wandering in a new country and culture. But for some reason this felt different. Of course we were here under entirely different circumstances than previous trips , but everyday I seemed to wish for and want to be home -- to have her home, to begin our routine and life with a house of six. I also missed Christmas -- the snow, the excitement of our kids.Sure they had Christmas trees here, Christmas music was played in the hotels and in the malls. In fact, We were impressed to see how often we heard or saw the phrase Merry Christmas posted. To this country’s credit, we haven’t once seen a Happy Holidays or Merry X-mas in this primarily Buddhist but mostly secular nation. Merry Christmas has been the mantra of the day. But for whatever reason, this season simply hasn’t felt the same and I confess to missing the boxes and baking the snow the shopping -- even all the Christmas chaos -- I missed it. I really did.

So as we sat down to watch the First Presidency Christmas devotional , I was looking for a Christmas lift to my spirits.

It was a beautiful devotional , formatted much differently than it had been in the past. I found myself quite emotional and as I watched I found myself considering Christmas quite differently . As talk after talk reminded me to forget the commercial bustle of Christmas and focus on Christ,  I thought about something Todd had reminded me of: that we had a rare opportunity to spend time together and focus on nothing but her needs. No demands, no distractions. Our exclusive focus could be on her and building her relationship with both of us. I though of the Savior, who, throughout his ministry , though he preached to all, also focused on the one. 

A professor at BYU had reminded our class once that the word sheep is both singular and plural. To Feed His Sheep is not to just feed the five thousand, but to nourish and nurture the single sheep -- even a little lamb like Maylia. 

Soon my wistful feelings grew into gratitude, thankful for the precious gift of this time together. 

I loved these words from President Monson: 

“ Finding the real joy of Christmas comes not in the hurrying and the scurrying to get more done. We find the real joy of Christmas when we make the Savior the focus of the season.

May we give as the Savior gave. To give of oneself is a holy gift. We give as a remembrance of all the Savior has given. May we also give gifts that have eternal value, along with our gifts that eventually break or are forgotten. How much better the world would be if we all gave gifts of understanding and compassion, of service and friendship, of kindness and gentleness.

As the Christmas season envelops us with all its glory, may we, as did the Wise Men, seek a bright, particular star to guide us in our celebration of the Savior’s birth. May we all make the journey to Bethlehem in spirit, taking with us a tender, caring heart as our gift to the Savior.”

Saturday, December 14 - Traffic Rush

Now, the road to El dorado may be paved with gold but the roads in China could be paved with pedestrians. If you’ve ever played the Traffic Rush app, or enjoyed a game of frogger, you’d have some idea of what the view is like out of our hotel window.

 Because our hotel room overlooks the corner of a large intersection just down from busy Wangfujing street , traffic is fast and frequent. Compound that with buses, bikes, tuk tuks, and any number of scooter like apparatuses carrying boxes, bags, baskets or the occasional family of four, it makes for an interesting and nerve wracking scene. 

 Not only do drivers have very few rules to follow, they seem entitled to break whatever rules that may exist. Any one on foot is at their own risk and everywhere you go the sounds in the air are punctuated with the sound of cars honking their horns at people as they bob and weave their way across the road.

Knowing what the traffic was like, as we ventured on an outing to a restaurant across the street we moved quickly and carefully and looked several ways and waited before we walked across . The pedestrian light turned green but we had only taken a few steps when a black car turned right towards us without even looking at us. He skimmed so close past us that we were less than a few centimetres from getting hit. Todd hit the top of the car  to let the driver know how close he had come to running us over. We continued walking, only to find ourselves being screamed at from the car as it turned the corner. 

I was a little unprepared for the verbal assault as the man pulled over, rolled down his window and began to shout. I don’t have to know any more Chinese than I do to know he wasn’t calling out an apology. Todd called back, told him to watch where he was going,  but the man continued to yell and yell. I was anxious to go, people were starting to slow down and stare and I was becoming a little concerned as to what this man might do as he seemed more than a little enraged -- at what though was beyond us. 

Obviously it was okay that he hit us with his car, but not that we hit his car. A subtle but significant difference apparently. Thankfully he drove away, and any further incident was averted. We talked about the experience as we ate. Whether or not we were in the right didn’t make a difference. We are guests in this country, and so even if we don’t agree with how they drive it isn’t up to us to enforce. Thankfully none of us were hurt and it was a good reminder to be cautious, be respectful and careful,  and to remember the proverb that Grandpa Shipley always closes his letters with: Slowly Walk.

Saturday, December 14 - Daily Developmental Differences

Though we had wanted to stay in, we didn’t see much on the room service menu we thought she could eat so we hoped that the buffet in Beijing loved Congee as much as they did in Guangzhou. They didn’t...and I didn’t blame them... but I wondered what on earth we were going to feed this girl . In the end we opted for some pasta and were surprised and delighted that not only did she eat it but wanted to feed herself as well.

It’s been incredible to witness her growth and progress in just over a week, be it eating, sleeping, walking and talking and especially to see this unique little personality emerge. 

Eating 
On Day 1 she didn’t seem to know how to chew or even swallow well . She held the food in her mouth until it melted. She couldn’t use a sippy cup and would let us squeeze a little liquid into her mouth at a time. By the very next day she had moved from crackers to bread and was starting to place the crackers one by one in her mouth and she figured out how to suck from a sippy cup that we placed in her mouth. The day after that she was holding the cup on her own and drinking like a pro.  And not only was she taking congee from a spoon but wanted to use her own spoon as well -- holding it upside down of course, but holding it on her own. By the next day the spoon was right side up she finished an entire bowl of congee . At KFC she was eating their mashed potatoes and then noodles for supper. 

Sleeping

Though she often fussed when we put her down, and sometimes cry for a couple of hours, she responds more and more to routine and doesn’t try to resist. In fact , she will often get quiet as fatigue takes over , slowly drop down and then drift off to sleep -- be it for naps or for bedtime.

Bath time

Though she was a little hesitant at first , by bath # 2 she was beginning to splash in the water and, considering that she’d probably never been in a bathtub in her life, she never seemed to be bothered by water being poured over her head. 
By bath # 5 she was bathing on her own and she loved when a little water was running from the faucet that she could fill up her container with and pour it into her mouth. 
It was amazing to see how in just a few days she went from barely getting wet to practically waterboarding herself -- that was progress!

Playtime

She clung completely to the little hippo we had handed to her on the first day we met her and it was definitely her go to toy of choice -- her initial security item. Not only was she not interested in the doll I tried to give her,  but she even seemed almost aggressive towards it. She would poke at its eyes and then throw it away from her. The toys we brought her didn’t seem to be of much interest either even with the noisy buttons to push and she did not have the patience nor see the appeal of books.  She pushed them away and did not want to look at them, even from my lap. She’d likely never been read to. 

Her favorite objects seemed to be ordinary functional ones -- the sippy cup or a ziploc container. She especially loved lids and caps and I decided pretty quickly to ditch the doll I had originally bought her for Christmas and wrap up some plastic containers instead. But like everything else her play skills progressed.  
After only a couple of days she lost interest in the hippo and began to show interest in some of the other things. She would still throw the doll but seemed less and less aggressive towards it and by the end of the week even called it ‘bebe’ and on one outing even carried it with her. She sat for almost 3 whole minutes to look at a book and would try to push the buttons on her shape sorter toy. 
She still LOVED containers and lids and she would carry an empty water bottle with a lid around for hours. My favorite day was when she took all the broken crackers out of her ziploc container and used two fingers to put them inside the water bottle. When it was nearly full she then put the water bottle up to her mouth and would ‘drink the crackers’ as one by one they would fall into her mouth. It was the funniest thing. 

Fine & Gross Motor

Her fine motor skills always surprised us -- she was a lot better then either Steele or Grayson was at that age. She had no problem using a two finger grasp to pick up something small and when I placed a crayon in her hand she nearly had a tripod grasp.

Walking however seemed increasingly difficult for her. She didn’t like to walk much and she would often trip over her right foot -- especially on carpet. You saw the difficulty of her pronated leg especially when we would walk down a ramp. That said she would walk more and more independently and became braver and braver...as long as she was holding me or Todd’s hand. But since I’m a lot braver when I hold Todd’s hand, I knew exactly how she felt.

Language and Personality

The first day we were with Maylia she was completely non-verbal. It was what we expected  as one of the typical indicators of grief over such an enormous transition. As the days ...even as the hours progressed, we would hear her make a few sounds...some more repetitive than others as if she were speaking words or phrases. When we asked our guide if she was actually saying any words or just speaking baby talk she confirmed the latter. We know when she is happy because she babbles continuously and its been wonderful to even hear her repeat what we say -- and every so often she’ll repeat a sound like thank you or baby. 
Once, when she said bye bye and waved her little hand I said to Todd ‘ She’s so smart -- she’s almost as smart as  (insert name here)!” 
“ Well, she’s even smarter,” Todd replied proudly, "she understands Chinese!”

As she babbles and makes sounds, that’s when her little personality starts to shine. She loves to play hide and seek, especially with Todd. One of our favourite things is when she will pull something apart or drop something in a container and then she’ll look up in mock surprise and say ‘“ Oah!” open her eyes wide and make a little circle with her lips. She completely cracks us up all the time. 

Attachment 

To this day we couldn’t be more surprised and grateful for not only how comfortable she is with us, but how genuinely connected she seems to us. From that first day in the store , from our time at the orphanage to even today when one of the housekeepers reached out to her, her first thought is to retreat back into our arms. Even if she does go to someone for a moment, it’s only another moment until she turns right back towards us. Attachment is, of course, a process of trust and security that happens over time. It is a relationship that is built between parent and child as a child's needs are constantly and consistently met through love, patience and nurturance. But we are so grateful that even now she seems to have developed both a physical and an emotional dependence on us. 

Saturday, December 14 - Wangfujing

Once again we were situated on a swarming shopping street in Beijing so we set out both to explore as well as to hunt, hoping to find a hat and some mittens to protect little Maylia from Beijing’s much cooler temperatures. 

Since we were all getting hungry we decided to try a very common delicacy in China. KFC. It was everywhere -- even more prevalent than 7-11 or McDonalds which were everywhere as well. Kentucky Fried China did not disappoint and we were grateful that even Maylia found some food we enjoyed so after our meal we decided to brave bustling Beijing once again.

The further we walked the more lively and crowded the street became -- Wangfujing was much more commercialized than I had remembered it being. Aside from the market stalls there were now a number of high end American and European shops with two giant mall developments anchoring the square.  

The streets were packed with shoppers and we passed stores selling souveneirs as well as a number of American chain stores. At the entrance to another market we passed a stall selling scorpions and seahorses on skewers but decided with Maylia’s deteriorating mood to brave that market another day. 

We finally  entered into one of the massive malls and it felt like any other shopping mecca on a December weekend: busy, bustling , full of teens and families . We finally had to go into a GAP Kids before we found anything that would fit her. It felt annoying to pay such high prices knowing that somewhere near hats and mitts were being sold for less than a couple of dollars but we paid the price for both expediency ...and because I couldn’t bring myself to purchase the ones that were covered with lace and glued-on sequins. It was style over savings.  Maylia was more than fussy at this point and we decided to leave the crowds and return home to bed and to hopefully have a much quieter night.