Tuesday, December 10 -- Smart Gifts

Even though Todd and I had agreed not to take her from the crib when we put her to bed we of course never said anything about what to do of not do when she wakes up in the night. Since she had already slept for nearly 8 hours...and because Todd was asleep and couldn’t say anything... as she uttered a cry and stood up I took her out of the crib and laid her on my chest where she slept for another 2 hours. 

Once awake, we had another bath, where she enjoyed herself even more this time, splashing and playing in the water. Breakfast was also an improvement, I tried dipping the bread into the congee first and she took several bites and even used her fingers for a few bites on her own. 

Becky picked us up at 10:15 and we were headed back to the Civil Affairs office for some photos and some interviews.  Adopting from China, as opposed to other foreign countries, provides one with a number of assurances, one of which is that China is a member country of the Hague Convention on International Adoption. 

A little background as best as I can summarize: In 1993 at the Hague in the Netherlands, there was a convention on International Adoption. Officially called the “ The Hague Convention on Protection of Children and Co-operation in Respect of Intercountry Adoption (or Hague Adoption Convention) ( It) is an international convention dealing with international adoption, child laundering, and child trafficking in an effort to protect those involved from the corruption, abuses and exploitation which sometimes accompanies international adoption.[1].”

At the time roughly 90 countries signed or ratified the agreement, Canada being one of them. Canada will not do adoptions with or from any country that has not also ratified the agreement. The agreement is in place to protect children from being exploited and trafficked, but it also protects the adopting family. Since Hague countries require a central adopting authority, it protects families from having to pay bribes or other exorbitant ‘fees’ that might be demanded by a private individual or agency. That said we are still required to pay an Orphanage donation ( but one that is handled through the central authority) and it is also recommended to bring gifts for the officials who are handling the adoption. Certainly not required, but recommended nonetheless. 

Now Todd and I remembered the donation fee ( it was several thousand dollars that had to be paid in Yuan -- new bills -- so we had made the exchange at our bank at home before we left. But both of us had forgotten about the recommended gifts.

When we asked Becky she had said not to worry too much about it but as they were ‘highly recommended’ we thought it better to have them. Todd had gone out that morning before breakfast to look for something but stores had yet to open. Cash would have been easy but it was completely forbidden so we looked through our things -- I even looked through my jewelry box --  to come up with something. We went through the snacks we had brought for Maylia : some animal crackers, 3 bags of rainbow goldfish and 2 giant boxes of Christmas themed Smarties. Smarties it would be -- and hopefully there wouldn’t be more than 2 officials.

As we entered the Civil Affairs office we found ourselves among the same families from the day before. But today was a different scene. Kids seemed settled comfortably in families, quietly playing with toys or happily interacting with their new parents or siblings. Most of the kids looked quite differently too: no one was dressed in the multihued, multilayered chinese layette of the day before. In their place were smartly dressed frocks, matching tops and bottoms and not a shortage of headbands and bows in little girls’ hair.Maylia was dressed in a black flowered tunic with tights and a darling double-breasted tweed coat. I’m not a lace-ist, and not opposed to a headband or ribbon, but we had nothing that would fit or suit her short hair so in her Hepburn-esque pixie cut, I thought she looked sweet, stylish and perfect. 

First order of the day was for a family photograph. We sat together and smiled and the photographer said something to Becky in Chinese. “Do you know what he said?”, Becky asked as we left the room, “ What a beautiful little boy” , she laughed. 

Next, we were called in for our first ‘interview’. I had no idea what it was for or what to expect but thankfully it was nothing more than a few questions : What is your full name ( to each of us),  where are you from ? How old are you? (That was my favourite question -- They would ask Todd first - 40 - then they would ask me - 45 - then they would ask me again - 45, I would smile. Then they would look at Todd and I would say, but he has the grey hair. Somehow that joke never got old. For me or for them.)

The next few questions were more adoption specific -- why did you choose to adopt from China ( Because we love children and we love China and Chinese culture). I asked Todd to give the gift. He asked the official if she had any children ( she did, a son, 10 years old) then Todd said , well, this is a special treat all Canadian children enjoy. He handed her the giant Smartie box and she bowed her head and said ‘ thank you so much’ . I breathed a secret sigh of relief. Our first diplomatic mission accomplished. 

Interview # 2 was much the same as #1-- What’s your name? Where are you from? How old are you ( same double take; same grey hair joke). This time the official added, do you promise to never harm or abuse her ( of course we will never) . I was waiting for them to ask if we would love and cherish her, to have and to hold her ( we would do that too, but they never asked). We signed the second paper and then, Todd offered the gift.” “Do you have a children?” 

“ Yes, a son.” 

“ How old is he?” asked Todd as he reached for the Smarties.

“19” 

Todd paused ,while I wondered if there may be a diplomatic crisis after all. He continued warmly, “ Well , then this is for you. This is a special treat that you will enjoy. Canadian chocolate.”

She bowed her her head slightly, smiled and said “ Thank you so much”

 Diplomatic crisis averted.

We went back into the waiting room and this time I noticed something I hadn’t paid much attention to before. Beside each of the families were red gift bags, tied with boys and full of tissue paper. All of the families must have been from the same orphanage because they all had identical bags, 2 or three of them apiece. They had obviously been  more prepared than we had been but I didn’t feel too bad -- I bet none of them had Smarties in them.

After a few minutes of sitting back in the waiting room Becky came out, handed us one red certificate and one blue one and said “Congratulations. She is now your daughter. These are the two most important papers you will receive while you are here in China.”

And that was it -- she was ours, just like that . But of course, we didn’t need a piece of paper to know and feel that she belonged to us. 

We finished the day by returning to our shopping street. She loved to be up high and looking around and as we walked the street she definitely preferred to have Todd hold her. But anytime we stopped or went into a store she looked for and reached for me. We  stopped by the Women and Baby Essentials store to buy a bib for her as both her appetite and her independence increased at the dinner table.

Though mealtime and bath time continued to go smoothly, this time bed time did not. First we made the mistake of putting on footed pajamas. She screamed and pulled at her feet until finally we just took them off and changed her into a different pair that were footlet free. I tried to give her a bottle, sit and cuddle with her for a bit but as soon as we neared her crib she began to cry and to scream. Eventually I lifted her up and tried to lay her in bed but  she managed to thwart my every attempt.

It’s too bad we had already sent in her official name for her visa because if we had been able to I think I would have officially changed it to Monkey. If you ever saw that picture of Jean Claude Van Damme doing the splits between two moving semi’s you would have an idea of what she looked like. 

As soon as I began to set her down in the crib she stretched out her legs , caught one side with her left toes and the other side with her right. No wonder she didn’t want the footed pajamas!

It took both of us, Todd and I, to unhinge her from each side and put her down. She popped right back up and as she stood at the side, screaming and with tears streaming down her cheeks, she would swing one leg up almost to her shoulder and try to put it over the side of the crib. I stayed close to the crib and kept my hand in the place that  her leg would come up so she couldn’t swing it over. Boy did I make her mad. 

As much as we hated to see her cry we definitely liked seeing a bit of spit and fire in her . Her fire finally began to sputter after 2 straight hours of crying and screaming. By that time Todd and I were pretty worn out too. She finally began to fall asleep on her feet again and after a few woozy minutes we laid her down for the night.